Self-pleasuring, self-exploration, and more…

Like many sex-connected things, masturbation is a taboo in the society. While I understand what lead to this perception and I respect the unwritten rules not to talk about it in public, I am not ashamed of the fact that I do masturbate.

I am a woman in my mid 20-ties and I do experience sexual urges, so rather than going out and looking for risky one-night stand or suppressing them, I usually give in and masturbate. Well, sometimes I masturbate also when I do not feel the urge and that’s great too.

Sometime’s there’s this guilt at the back of my mind when I do this. I was raised as a catholic in a predominantly catholic country. Hence, since my early childhood I was told that any sexual acts except for vaginal sex IN a marriage are a sin. Nevertheless, it never stopped me from masturbating.

I was never really good at following all the religious rules, but this one I started breaking pretty early. I was a child when I’ve discovered that putting my hands next to my crotch , squeezing them with my thighs and rubbing them like that against my crotch felt good. My mom and grandma were furious whenever they stumbled upon me doing that. I never understood why but I started doing this only when I was sure that noone will catch me.

Fast forward few years, I learned what masturbation was. I was probably like 10 at that time. I still didn’t know much about how that exactly works, but I least I found a term for what I was doing. Actually, it was probably about that time when I started doing it naked.

In Junior High School I tried to stop masturbating. I was particularily religious at that time, so I made a conscious effort to not repeat my “sins”. Well, I wasn’t good at that either. I still kept masturbating, though more rarely (mostly around my periods because it helped with my cramps). I never confessed that I masturbate tho 😉

Neither did I masturbate watching/reading hentai mangas/animes (mostly yaoi at the time). Because it was actually in Junior High when I discovered the porn-side of manga/anime and fanfiction…

Within about 3 years I was totally hooked up on yaoi and smutty fics. I also matured enough to not care about society/church and started  exploring my body more, which meant that I actually got to sticking things into my vagina. I didn’t particularily like fingering myself because after that my wrist always hurt like hell, so I went for any phallic-shaped objects that fit “in there”. Which meant used-up but cleaned tampon applictors, pens, and the like. Not very safe, I know. One time I actually got a part of the pen stuck in my vagina, fortunatelly I managed to get it out and later I always made sure that whatever I used did not have any detachable parts.

I was still feeling guilt at that time, but the pleasure masturbation gave me was enough for me not to stop my “shameful practices”

In the end, I came to terms with my sexuality. I wrapped my mind around the fact that masturbation is not a sin and neither is it shameful (though it is intimate and for that reason I masturbate only in my room, behind closed doors).

Embracing my needs was actually very healthy thing. First, I bought myself some actual sex-toys which meant that I was basically much more safe. Second, masturbating helped me unwind and since I am a very anxious person this helped me feel a lot better in general. Third, I got to self-explore.

I masturbate wit varied regularity, I can go weeks without it, and then comes a week when I’ll masturbate 2 or 3 times a day. It really all boils down to whenever I feel like masturbating.

I often masturbate even when I’m at my period because during the first few days it helps with the cramps and towards the end of my period it helps with the dryness (I tend to experience a lot of dryness at the last days of my period/first few days post to the point when it’s really painful).

Besides that masturbation helped me to explore myself, so that when I’ll have sex I’ll know what would give me the most pleasure. For the longest time I couldn’t orgasm, but I’ve managed to finally figure out what combination “triggers it” which is great. I’ve also learned that I have a tendency to squirt while doing particular things so that’s also great thing to know (I will be able to actually warn any potential parters about this possibility).

I feel like masturbation is one of these things people should talk about. With men it’s mostly taken for granted that they will masturbate, and while some parents still frown upon it it seems to be okay. For some reason with female masturbation it seems to be way worse thing. For no reason really. It’s not self-rape – you consent to doing this to yourself. It’s not something which devil suggested to you – you are just responding to your body’s needs: it’s like eating when you’re hungry.

Masturbation is normal and healthy. And it’s important to talk about it. It’s important to stop making a taboo of things which are perfectly fine.


3 thoughts on “Self-pleasuring, self-exploration, and more…

    1. Same (clearly 😉 )
      I know there are people who don’t feel the need and that’s normal too, but for many masturbation is like an every day thing and it just keeps bothering me that usually it’s either stygmatised or fetishised and like why does society make a big deal out (not) talking about it…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have no clue…it’s as natural as the sun.
        I find it, to be a great way to shed oneself of some anxieties, to allow yourself to feel okay with yourself…the whole works.


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